Why You Keep Over-giving, People-Pleasing, or Feeling Drained in Relationships

The shadow side of boundaries, validation, and emotional energy

By Rachel Rose – Holistic Counsellor Sunshine Coast & Online

There comes a time in everyone’s life where they realise…
they’ve been the one taking too much.

Or giving too much.

Or somewhere in that messy, confusing in-between.

Think back to a time when you felt lost.
Disconnected from yourself.
Not quite grounded in your own power.

A season where you didn’t feel resourced enough to meet your own needs.

Because when we’re in that place…
we don’t know how to meet our needs directly.

So we find other ways.

Subtle ways. Strategic ways.
Ways that often involve other people.

When your needs start leaking into your relationships

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering:

• why do I feel so drained by people?

• why do I overgive in relationships?

• why do I need so much validation?

This might land.

Because underneath it all…
there is usually a need trying to be met.

Connection.
Validation.
Recognition.
Power.
Safety.

But when we don’t know how to meet those needs internally,
they start to leak out into our relationships.

The “energy vampire” isn’t what you think

In spiritual spaces, there’s a shadow that gets thrown around a lot.

The “energy vampire.”

The person who takes more than they give.

And yes… it can look like:

• sending long, loaded messages

• needing constant reassurance or attention

• pulling focus in group spaces

• not respecting time, boundaries, or energetic exchange

But I’m not sharing this to shame anyone.

Because I’ve been this.
So. Many. Times.

And if I’m really honest…
it came from emptiness.

From a part of me that didn’t know how to fill itself.

The deeper truth (from a trauma-informed lens)

When I put my holistic counsellor hat on, I don’t see “energy vampires.”

I see:

• trauma

• attachment patterns

• nervous systems that are under-resourced

I see people trying to get their needs met in the only way they know how.

Because there is always a need underneath the behaviour.

Always.

But instead of consciously meeting that need…
it can show up as unconscious grasping.

Feeding off the facilitator.
The group.
A partner.
A client.

Not because someone is bad.
But because something inside them hasn’t been met yet.

The part no one talks about (especially if you’re a space holder)

If you’re in a helping role… this part matters.

Because it’s easy to point outward.

To label others as “too much” or “draining.”

But a more powerful question is:

Where are my boundaries weak?

Where am I using my spaces to get my needs met?

To feel:

• seen

• validated

• liked

• important

• powerful

Because if we’re not honest about that…
the exchange stops being clean.

It becomes tangled.

Subtle. Hidden.
But it always plays out eventually.

Boundaries aren’t rejection. They’re safety.

My mentor once said:

“Be the client you want as a facilitator.”

Show up on time.
Pay on time.
Contribute to the space.
Notice when your emotions are spilling out in an uncontained way.
Honour the balance of giving and receiving.

Because when we take responsibility for our own energy…
everything changes.

We stop unconsciously taking.
And we start relating from a place of self-resourcing.

Why this matters for your relationships and your healing

If you struggle with:

• people pleasing

• overgiving

• weak boundaries

• feeling drained in relationships

• needing validation to feel okay

This isn’t a personality flaw.

It’s something that can be understood.
Worked with.
Healed.

Through holistic counselling, we explore the deeper layers underneath these patterns.

Not just mentally…
but emotionally, somatically, and relationally.

So you can:

• meet your own needs

• create healthy boundaries

• feel safe in connection

• stop leaking energy in your relationships

Owning the shadow (without shame)

I still notice this in myself sometimes.

I overgive.
I run overtime.
I have parts of me that still want to be seen, heard, valued.

The difference now… is awareness.

I can meet those parts with care.
Instead of letting them hijack my relationships or my work.

And when we can do that…
the shame softens.

The charge drops.

Because we’re no longer pretending we don’t have a shadow.

We’re just learning how to hold it differently.

If this resonated, I’d genuinely love to hear.

And if you feel willing…
share where this has shown up for you too.

Work with me

I offer holistic counselling on the Sunshine Coast, as well as online sessions across Australia and worldwide.

If you’re ready to explore these patterns more deeply, you’re welcome to book a complimentary 20-minute consultation.

With gratitude,

Rachel Rose
Holistic Counsellor & Shamanic Healer
Sunshine Coast & Online